The Other White Meat

14May08

So, over the weekend, I moved into a 3 bedroom house with my brother and the latest Seattleite, Blake.  It’s been pretty sweet so far.  We have a pretty nice house ina quiet neighborhood with ample places to sit and a large, fenced in backyard in which Zoe the Beast can let loose (and believe me, she can get fuckin’ bonkers).  I am now demanding that everyone I know has to visit withing the next six months.  It is a sweet house and there’s more than enough room to crash 4 to 5 people.  So hurry up and bring your jukebox money. 

You know what I hate?  People who don’t obey the right-of-way on sidewalks.  You know…those people who walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk and don’t get out of the way when you approach, forcing you to walk on the left side, heading straight into oncoming foot traffic.  The sidewalk is just like the road…stay on the right side, goddammit. 

And, man, am I getting sick of crazy people.  Not just quirky people with odd idiosyncracies.  I mean, certifiable, unmedicated, talking-to-God loonies.  I can have some compassion and empathy, but everywhere I go in this town, I end up in an uncomfortable situation dealing with nutjobs.  I was outside of my work and I saw this unkempt, dirty dude walking my way.  As he got closer I heard him muttering to himself.  When he got right in front of me, he continued his diatribe about ‘the bitch in the sausage shop’ as if I were there, or had, at least, heard the beginning part of his story.  I just kind of nodded my head, hoping that he would just keep moving, but no.  He continued his tale of bitches n’ sausages, adding a very unlikely twist.  “That fuckin’ bitch was giving away sausages to the goddam NIGGERS!  I asked her ‘why you gotta give all these NIGGERS these sausages when all I want is one GODDAM sausage?’  Jesus Fuckin Christ!  I’ll tell that cunt what’s up.  I’ll put a fuckin’ hole in her goddam brain.”  Suffice it to say, I was very uncomfortable.  People were walking by as this man was looking me straight in the eye and screaming the word ‘nigger’ at the top of his lungs.  So, I just packed it in, went inside without a word as my new wacked out friend continued to mutter about sausages.  Sheesh.  Leave me alone, loonies.  I just want some peace and quiet.  And a goddam sausage. 

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